Reduce government bloat with the sea quest station

When they first started talking about the sequestration, I sometimes like to think that maybe they were talking about “sea quest station,” which sounds so much more awesome. And in spite of the complex science such a device would require, it may make more sense to the common man.

But no, what they meant was “The action of taking legal possession of assets until a debt has been paid or other claims have been met,” or in government terms, “The action of taking more of your money so we can pay off the stuff we bought thirty years ago.”

We know, through all the doom and gloom reported about the sequestration, that nothing good will come of it, except that maybe the budget will be balanced for future generations. Being somewhat young myself, and therefore a future generation, I’m hoping the feds learn to live with the sequestration for a little longer.

Politicians, pundits and most of my Facebook friends like to talk about the government needing to cut waste. This is all fine and good until you realize that a lot of that government waste is finding its way into our pocketbooks. Then cutting government waste doesn’t sound quite so pleasant.

This may come as a surprise, but every dollar a government agency spends goes to somebody. Remember that government agency that spent millions of dollars every year on parties? Well, how are those party organizers going to live, now that those government employees were caught and can no longer spend taxpayer dollars? And how are those highly stressed government employees going to make it without partying all the time? I bet there’s a powerful party organizer lobby out there somewhere making these points to politicians, and buried in a bill will be a party line item. I hope those party organizers buy newspapers with that government money.

Politicians just don’t like laying people off. They got their job by promising that people wouldn’t lose their jobs, and then arrive in Washington, where they must make complex decisions about whose jobs are going to get axed. And how do the government employees feel about this? Well each of them knows his or her jobs are incredibly important, too important to cut, and they’ll let congress know it if they try. So we still have Saturday mail delivery. And air traffic controllers. The list goes on.

I’m sure there’s somewhere to cut. A highly criticized study involved putting shrimp on treadmills. That study cost $500,000. But wait, said the scientist in charge of the study, the treadmill part was just one part of a large project, and only cost $1,000. I just found a budget treadmill on eBay for $239. The shrimp should’ve used that one, and saved over $700. If it’s good enough for me, it’s good enough for shrimp, I always say, although I don’t own a treadmill.

I really do like to eat shrimp though, so I hope that they soon come out with some big beefy ones from running on a treadmill all day long. We all could use better seafood. That’s why we need the sea quest station. I’m writing the grant for that one now.

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