The internet lost its pants along the way

The internet recently had its most embarrassing moment. It was much more embarrassing than pimples or finding out your fly is down. No, it discovered it hadn’t put on any pants for over two years.

Of course, the internet doesn’t really wear pants. What it really discovered was that most of the internet sites that supposedly had a secure connection, like Facebook, Obamacare, or say, the FBI’s website, were about as secure as a prison made out of tissue paper. Not wearing any pants for a couple of years might actually be less embarrassing than discovering all your assets were blowing in the wind (pun intended).

So, the idea is that we should change all our passwords after they fix the bug (sometime) and before someone steals all our information (anytime). However, I feel about my information the same way I feel about my old car: if someone wants it, they can have it. Just try applying for credit cards in my name buckos, and see what happens.

With everyone’s information not secure, it’s kind of like fishing for water in the ocean. Everyone who uses the internet is now hoping that the unlucky victim of all of this isn’t us.

So far, not many bad guys, at least as far as we know, have tried to steal information by using the bug, called for very good but complicated reasons the “Heartbleed Bug.” But I guess now the technos among us are worried that because of the hype surrounding the bug someone might discover other ways it may be exploited to steal even more information. Media backfire!

It reminds me of a show I watched once, at a time when terrorist attacks were more of a fear, of all the complicated ways a terrorist could attack the U.S. As far as I know, no terrorists were watching that show, or else we might be done for. Hopefully cyber-terrorists are just as clueless, but I have my doubts.

Anyway, to draw attention to the bug so that everyone could fix it, the tech company that found the bug paid for a marketing campaign. It might steal all your personal information, but it has a really cool logo!

Really, what I want from the internet is for my service provider to stop sending me ads to upgrade to a faster service because I am, and I quote, “A heavy internet user.” Why are they always bringing my weight into it? They’re the ones with no pants!

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