World problems solved

An ex-teacher wrote a column that is gaining ground on the internet. It was about the problems of the teaching occupation. Teaching is a tough gig, he says, and then he lays out the solution to the problems; namely, that everyone should get together and find a solution to the problems.

I highly appreciate teachers, and do believe additional regulations and stagnant wages have stifled their careers. However, a website named Career Cast rated 200 careers, from best (mathematician) to worse (lumberjack). Journalist was number 199. So I can confidently say, stop whining bucko! Teachers are only 117 on the list. And since I am a journalist, and have a platform here to complain on, I’m going to do it! Just kidding. The world has been good to me. I don’t have much to complain about.

There are really serious problems in education. There are also very serious problems in health care. There are serious problems in government. There are serious problems in industry. The list goes on and on. Everywhere we turn, serious problems are lying there on the floor, gasping for attention.

And what do we do? We do what every other sane person would do surrounded by problems. We order take out Chinese and spend the evening watching T.V. On T.V., all the problems are solved within two hours. Usually they’re solved within half an hour, so even better.

Occasionally a government official will try to solve the problems. Usually it’s the presidents. They try to solve all the problems at once, by creating more regulations, which in turns increases everyone’s stress, which in turn creates more problems, which creates more solutions, which creates more regulations, to infinity and beyond.

On the other hand, I know the solution to the world’s problems. Pretty much all of them. Take education, for instance. I think a lot of the problems would be solved if we limited class size to eight students. Seriously. At eight students, most are going to have the hands on learning, and the teachers will be free enough to really, really work with students and make a difference in their lives.

And because we will need the best qualified teachers, we should raise all their salaries to $130,000 a year. To start. Or maybe we should make it $230,000 a year. Why not? Everyone would be lined up to be a teacher, and so they could be fired and hired on whim. We would definitely have the best teachers spending one-on-one time with our children, which is what I know I want for my kids.

And health care. There’s tons of stuff we can do with health care. If teacher’s are making $230,000 a year, we should have doctors making $10 million, so everyone will want to be doctors too, and they should have at maximum, say, 20 patients. And every third year they spend doing research.

Everyone complains about the government trying to throw money at problems. Maybe they aren’t throwing enough (and please ignore the wide smirk on my face). I say, debt ceiling be hanged! And for pointing out the solutions to all the world’s problems, I should get paid at least $100 million. Pocket change, I should think. That would definitely bump me off the 199 mark.

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