Halloween costumes, explained

We spent Halloween a few weeks ago as most families do, trying to get candy from strangers. Talk about sending our children mixed messages. However, it was a very pleasant, non-scary Halloween. It was much less scary then, say, cleaning out my children’s toy box, because their toy box is full of naked, headless Barbies. Now, that’s scary.

We were a king, a queen, a jester, a pirate-queen (not sure about the historical accuracy of that one) and Minnie Mouse. I thought Minnie Mouse was an extremely creative costume, because I could not remember ever seeing a Minnie Mouse costume before. However, just like if you buy a certain model of car and suddenly start seeing it on every street corner, Minnie Mouse costumes were everywhere. We saw five other Minnie Mouse costumes that night. It might have been a little less creative than I thought. She should’ve gone as Mickey.

That was not the most popular costume, however. The most popular costume came from a certain cartoon movie. In the words of my middle daughter, “There were a lot of Let-It-Goeses.”

My youngest daughter was Kylie Minogue. Most of you, unless you are children of the 80s, do not know who Kylie Minogue is. Kylie Minogue sang a song called “Do the Locomotion,” that came out in 1988, and is a remake of the Little Eva song. It was hugely popular among the pre-teen crowd, of which I was a member at that time.

After that, Minogue, who is Australian, became the Australian Madonna. I don’t mean she became like Madonna, Mary the mother of Jesus. I mean she became like Madonna, a singer who takes her clothes off a lot.

And why did we let our daughter dress up as someone like that? Because Minogue did a cameo with an Australian band called “The Wiggles.” The Wiggles are a rock band for children. They are four grown men who dress up in bright t-shirts to sing catchy tunes. It took forty years, but the British Invasion finally made it to the very youngest listeners by way of Australia.

Previous to The Wiggles, all children’s musical artists were folk singers, and rock music was not allowed. What also was allowed was Mozart, because Mozart is good for the brain. This is believable until we actually learned about Mozart. If it was so good for the brain, why didn’t HE invent the light bulb? This next generation’s babies are luckier, they’ll be able to listen to rap and heavy metal too.

Anyway, Minogue came on to sing a song called “Monkey Man” with the Wiggles, and she got to be the pink Wiggle for the day. So my youngest daughter was the pink Wiggle with a pink shirt and a Wiggle’s logo. It was extremely cute, especially because when she says “Kylie Minogue” it rolls off her tongue like a barrel of marmalade. Nothing is cuter than Australian names mispronounced by a two-year-old.

It was a good Halloween. But I have to clean the toy box now, so the nightmares will subside before Thanksgiving.

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