Summer movie guide: More of the same

We are now in the midst of the summer movie season, a time when our kids, intelligent from nine months of school, are dropped off at the theater, where they come out a grade behind. As one movie review I recently read said it: “This movie is really good as long as you check your brain at the door.” (I won’t reveal which one it was, but it may involve dinosaurs eating people for our viewing pleasure.)

The moral of this year’s summer movie lineup is: no movie is too old to not deserve a sequel. Movie wasn’t that good to begin with? Try again the second time. It’s been 20 or 30 years since the last installment? No problem (there’s those dinosaurs again). There’s only one original one movie—oh wait, it’s based on a theme park ride.

One of the complaints I had about comic books, and one of the reasons I did not read them much as a kid, is that you had to follow them too close to keep track of what’s going on. You just couldn’t pick up Bazooka Man #4 and expect to read it without reading Bazooka Man #1, #2 and #3. And then you had to read #5, #6, all the way up to #42 to see how it ended. It was like trying to watch “Days of Our Lives” without the first 40 years of subplots.

But movies were one time installments, and so avoided that unpleasantness. But not anymore. Who knew super heroes and soap operas were such a good match? We can’t even leave during the credits, because they might drop some hint about the next movie we don’t want to miss.

It’s a good thing we have TV, because TV would never stoop to superhero soap operas. Ha! No, of course the most popular shows are super hero soap operas too.

It would be kind of fun if all these nostalgic sequels could come together in one movie. Just imagine it: a car chase in the desert involving a dinosaur, an assassin robot, a teddy bear, a male stripper, a ghost-haunted teenager, funny yellow creatures and Captain America. They could all be saved by Peter Pan. I have a feeling someone is working on it right now.

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