Trump the Bern

Four years ago, in this very column, I made fun of Donald Trump running for president. I may have to swallow my words. If Bernie Sanders is elected, all we can hope for is that Trump pulls through.

I stand behind my jokes that I made four years ago though. Four years ago, Trump ended his presidential campaign with a commercial for The Celebrity Apprentice, and that seemed to be the point of his campaign. It was like a joke everybody was in on. The media knew he wasn’t serious about running. The Republican establishment knew it was a joke, even if it irked them.

But I don’t know if Trump knew. And he had supporters, surprise surprise, and they didn’t know. Enough of them were convinced that Trump was their man. I can see why. I mean, here was a guy who could actually fire people. Trying to do that in government, well, that takes talent. Everybody wants to cut the federal budget, until they figure out that that means firing people. Trump supporters think he might be able to do that. I mean, he had a job where he mostly fired people on television for 10 years. So here he is again, better than ever.

I’m a little more worried about Bernie. He’s going to fire a lot of people too, without knowing it. He’s going to fire all those lobbyists. With him, big business will still pump money into the government, but he’ll cut out the middleman. And the businesses will get more regulations in return. All those poor unemployed lobbyists. What are they going to do? They don’t have any skills. They’ll have to become government workers. Or at least until Trump finally gets elected. Then they’ll get fired.

Trump and Sanders agree though, that every person in Washington has way too much money in their pockets. That’s why I propose that, if they win their parties’ nomination, they should run as each others’ running mate. If Sanders wins, then Trump is vice president. If Trump wins, then Sanders is vice president. This is the way it used to be. Trust me, look it up.

But anyway, they could unite the nation. Well, maybe not the whole nation. They would at least unite all the people who like to think about politics but not actual policy. Their supports aren’t that different anyway. Show me a Sanders supporter and I’ll show you a Trump supporter, minus 70 or so years.

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