Bee Gees in heaven

“Is there rock music in heaven?” my oldest daughter innocently asked a few weeks ago.

Sometimes you just don’t know what these kids are going to ask. I’ve braced myself for some really hard questions, but this wasn’t one of them. A good rule to remember when raising children is to not get into theological debates with eight year olds, so I looked for the easiest way out.

“I don’t know,” I said. “What do you think?”

“Well, God wants us to have a lot of different experiences, so I think there would be rock music in heaven,” she said.

I honestly have no idea if there will be rock music in heaven, but I have heard the excuse “God wants us to have lots of experiences” before. With the idea that God wants you to have all sorts of experiences, you can pretty much justify anything.

It’s a popular idea. Take, for example, Brad Pitt’s recent interview with GQ.

“I was like, how do you know who you are and what works for you if you don’t find out where the edge is, where’s your line? You’ve got to step over it to know where it is,” Mr. Pitt says.

I thought about writing Brad a letter pointing out that stepping over the line seemed to have landed him in rehab, but I digress.

Anyway, my daughter instantly saw my negative reaction, and so tried a different approach.

“Well, maybe there won’t be rock music, but there will at least be pop music,” she said.

“Okay,” I said.

“Well, maybe not all pop music, but there will at least be Bee Gees,” she said, referring to the 1970s disco band.

Bee Gees? I suddenly had a vision in my head, of me walking through the pearly gates, and as I meet all my friends and family that went before, there is “Stayin’ Alive” playing in the background. Now that would be truly ironic.

My wife is a big Bee Gees fan, and it’s something the kids have enjoyed too, so I guess heaven would not be heaven without the Bee Gees, though hopefully there will be plenty of other options too.

What has a lot of musical options is my cell phone’s ringtone. However, all of the options sound like a crazed monkey is playing a game of Simon.

I tried to counteract this by recording a song off of YouTube, but my phone’s recording device makes the song sound like a mix between a cement truck and a toilet flushing.

My daughter got tired of hearing that noise, so she changed it. She changed it to the ringtone that sounded most pleasing to her. Yes, it was probably the most neurotic one of all.

But that’s okay. Now every time it rings I think of her. She couldn’t get much better than that, even if my phone could play Bee Gees.

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