Too smart for a smart phone

When I was a mass communication major, we talked about marketing once in a while, and we learned the term “laggard,” which is marketing speak for a doofus who does not buy anything, ever. No matter how innovative the product, no matter how the price has come down, no matter how much someone’s life improves, 16 percent of the population will not buy a new product until they are absolutely forced to.

I am, of course, one of the 16 percent of the population.

But I am lagging no more. Fourteen years after smart phones became popular in the U.S., I traded in my flip phone for one that they claim is smarter. My flip phone was not receiving all the text messages people sent me, because in its old age it found certain young whippersnapper phones too obnoxious to communicate with.

And so I traded in my flip phone for one with a touch screen and dozens of time wasting apps, with thousands more waiting to be downloaded. And instead of missing just a few text messages, I now miss all of them.

Why hadn’t I thought of this before!? Now I don’t have to be hassled with all those bothersome text messages, or even phone calls, because my phone is persnickity about doing its job. It’s just like not having a phone at all! What a relief that would be, to not have to carry a phone around with you everywhere, ha ha ha.

It worked good for the first couple of months. But then, right about the time the lightning storms started to hit, there must’ve been a tremor in the cell tower, because now I only get reception half the time, and never when I’m at work or at home.

Here is this amazing device that is totally useless a lot of the time. This is true for a lot of computers though. They don’t seem to figure out how to make them work all the way right. Each computer I’ve ever used has some quirk that makes it so you just can’t use it without playing some games on its terms. You either have to have it plugged in the right direction, or tell it to do the right thing at the right time to get it to do what you want.

Microsoft, to combat the problem of computers not working, now updates its computers every few months. That way, they can fix what’s not working. Of course, after each update, the computer works worse than before.

Every time they update, I have to figure out how to get all the computers in the office talking to each other again. One will be talking to all the others, but all the others will ignore it. And then two will talk to each other, but ignore a third computer. It’s like watching “Days of our Lives.”

I just wonder how we ended up in a place where everything is so smart…

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