Zeers and Roebuck

Dear Editor,
When Ed Zern passed away in 1994, Field and Stream magazine asked their readers to write a story in the style of Ed. Ed was a regular contributor to F & S through his “Exit Laughing” column and was known for offering sportsmen advise on everyday situations using the solar lunar tables.
Field and Stream never used my story, but I thought some of your readers might like it.
Last month, while I was in Yugoslavia, I inquired as to the possibility of a bit of shooting sport. I was informed that due to some civil unrest that I was unaware of, firearms were not permitted. However, primitive arms were okay, so using only hickory boughs, razor blades, and a length of parachute cord, I quickly fashioned a makeshift recurve bow and arrow arrangement.
I acquired the services of one Zamp Flojenca, renowned guide in Eastern Europe and a better than average tie flier. Zamp lead me to within reasonable shooting range of a nice Roe deer stag. Just as I was drawing down, a flock of capercaillie exploded under my feet. This greatly unnerved me, and by the time I could regain my composure, the buck was bounding off in giant leaps. I still managed to place an arrow between the second and third clavicle and the deer dropped.
As I was pacing the shot off, (205 yards and on a dead run I might add) the buck bolted upright and ran straight into the rain swollen Neretva River. Fearing that my prize might be washed into the Jadransko More, using only wheel parts from a destroyed Nazi Panzer tank and a length of parachute cord, I quickly fashioned a makeshift block and tackle arrangement. With my opened Red Rider folding blade clenched between my teeth, I hit the water and quickly dispatched the stag.
As Zamp and I were retrieving my deer, I noticed several unusual looking fish had attached themselves to it. Zamp explained that these were plentiful fish in the Neretva River known as Zeersuckers, or simply Zeers. Apparently the stag, when it became wet, smelled of fish eggs (thus the name ‘Roe Deer’), and the fish were merely attempting to spawn with it.
That night, Zamp and I dined on delicious fresh fish and venison. This delicacy, known to few Americans, is commonly called “Zeers and Roebuck”.
As always,
Jay Nelson

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